'I woke up Sunday morning without a way to hold my head that didn't hurt.'
By now you would think that I would see it coming and be ready for it. The natural high from a weekend at home that comes crashing down as I begin to mentally prepare myself for the trip back to Temple.
Yesterday was especially hard. Angela was having a pity party and none of the men in my house were catching on because they were so wrapped up in their new Christmas stuff. Men being men, I suppose.
I cried in the shower, on the way to church (by myself because no one would go with me . . .I KNOW, POOOOOR ME,) and when I got back home I dramatically threw myself across our bed and wailed. (Kind of like Connie Selleca in a bad Lifetime movie. But she whimpers mostly. Not I.)
Bruce wandered in our bedroom bewildered. Then Jay. And then Zach and Dillon.
Finally ~ some attention. :)
I think my anxiety was coming not only from facing a long drive back to a lonely hotel room, but now I can see the end of this treatment right around the corner, which brings on a whole new set of unexpected fears that God and I haven't had a chance to talk over quite yet.
'The family,' which can take on mafia qualities at times, pressured/bribed my Zach into coming with me to what he describes as "boooooooring Temple." I love him for giving up his social life for four days. Soooo, the lonely hotel room is a non-issue.
And as far as the fear factor as my time here comes to an end? God will take that over like She always does.
Angela,
ReplyDeleteYou are constantly on my mind! Having a mini breakdown only means that you are human. Keep strong and know that prayers from all over this country....bigger ones from Texas...of course...are spoken daily! Love, Ruth
OK-in defense of the men in your house: You're right-they're men. Unless you are on fire in their presence, they will not notice anything until they smell smoke! Speak up! Tell them how you are feeling. For years you have trained them (and yourself) that you can handle anything because you ARE a strong woman! Now they don't ask because they have been trained that you don't need help or attention.
ReplyDeleteSecond: how cool for Zac to agree (under whatever conditions) to accompany you! We will never forget our sweet friend who gave up a week of her Christmas break to stay with us last year in Lubbock. She sat quietly crocheting unless I spoke then she was right there. You are so right. Hospitals and the like are very lonely places.
Finally, we continue to lift you in prayers daily. In fact you get nearly a whole block on my morning run. Stay strong and speak your needs loudly to those men. Then watch how thye jump into action!
~Michael
I need to crawl on your bed and cry too...is there room???????I wont take up too much room...I promise!!! :(
ReplyDelete